The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
