Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
