Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
