I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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