In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
