a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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