We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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