I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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