sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
