Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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