Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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