I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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