What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours