Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.