You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??