so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i dont even know how to be here
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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