It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
