don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize