I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
