my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
