Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
