Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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