I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
