with your own penis?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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