whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
