im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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