Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
