Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
