And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
