this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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