youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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