We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
