my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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