Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
