i permit you to call me
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
