I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
