Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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