My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
