My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
