Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
