He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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