somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
