i just wanna soil my oats bro
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
