ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i drank out of a bidet.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
