Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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