Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
