she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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