i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
