I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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