My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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