she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
