So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
