All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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