I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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