Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
