I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
