ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
