How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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