He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
