We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
