My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
