i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
