I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
