The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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