You're a womanizer and a bitch.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
