You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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