I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
