she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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