Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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