i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I smell stomach acid.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
