Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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