U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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