i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You've changed since you got that strap on
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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